My Ultimate List of Men Sucking At Life.

Disclaimer: No men were harmed during the making of this list.

The following bullet points are different criteria, speculations, insights and/or facts of the opposite sex that I have learned during my 22 years of existence.

1. Don’t trust anyone with only 3 letters in their first name…(i.e. Jon, Rob, Dan, Hit (as in Hitler)…you get my point.

2. GEMINIS. Fuck ’em. They are two faced and the worst zodiac match for my Leo! I seem to be attracted to them at first, until I find out their day of birth. Then I’m out of there like a bat out of hell. Too many past experiences with Geminis that didn’t end well.

3. Men that are 24 and still an undergrad need to stay away. You got issues if you’re still taking Intro to English for the 5th time.

4. Broke men are a disease! I will not pay for your sandwich you fat slug. Go get a job.

5. I get so bored with men who have no ambition. Waking up to play your Xbox does not count as a career-oriented goal. One time gigs on Craigslist does not either. Wake up and smell the Folgers–attempt at having a little more ambition for life if you really want to attract women.

6. Creepy old men on dating sites or Facebook that poke you or message you. Not. Cool.

7. Guys that spend hours at the gym. Dumbbells and protein shakes will not compensate for the brain cells and stamina you are lacking.

Doh! Homer Simpson, my dream man...

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